Sometimes I forget that I live in a sophisticated, urban bubble populated by well-traveled, educated individuals. Urban bubbles from New York to London, Sydney to Madrid and San Francisco to Paris exist because ideas, ingenuity and freedom of expression are allowed to flourish and are not shackled by religion, the status quo, extra large food portions and “professional” wrestling. The debate in these urban bubbles is raised, the standard is elevated.

When discussing abortion, it’s not, “That woman and the doctor who murdered her baby are going to hell.” It’s “What a difficult predicament to be in but thank God she has a choice.”

So I was somewhat surprised to learn this morning that Barack Obama had hired a “formerly gay” gospel singer, Donnie McClurkin, to help raise cash in South Carolina.

What? Is he “formerly black” too? Didn’t Obama know that being gay isn’t a choice? Didn’t he think that someone who said he was once gay would offend people who are gay? Why not hire Michael Jackson instead? I mean, who is this Donnie character anyway? Michael has proved that being black is a choice and that being gay is, well, being black is a choice.

Poor Donnie struggled with his homosexuality for years after he was molested as a boy. Everyone knows that being molested as a child turns boys gay. I mean, come on. Even the Bible says that! Now Donnie has exchanged his old Diana Ross albums for Luther Vandross CDs–Luther being the pillar of manliness when he was alive.

Yes, Donnie got down on his knees! And not for the reason he used to get down on his knees. No sir! He got down on his knees to pray to the good Lord.

He screamed, “Jesus, rid my soul of the need to dance to Madonna, redecorate my home in pink and lavender and dress fashionably.”

He yelled, “Jesus, help me not get excited when I see a picture of Tay Digs.”

He prayed, “Jesus, help me be more like Isaiah Washington.”

And when the good Lord didn’t answer and he needed an angle to help further his career, Donnie rose to his knees and cried, “I’m healed! Sweet Jesus, I’m healed!”

Now ill-informed journalists like Deborah Douglas at the so very well-respected Chicago Sun-Times write about how being gay is a choice. She says the Bible says that being gay is a sin (girl better not like her crab cakes!) and why would God make people gay if he knew it was a sin punishable by a hereafter in eternal hot weather.

I believe in God and I hope there is a heaven. But I don’t believe in hell, even if very well-intentioned people here on earth want to make it so. God bless them.

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