I went to see Saw IV this afternoon in Shibuya. Yeah, I know. I’m a sucker for horror movies, good and bad. Hell, I even saw The Hills Have Eyes II last month.

So there I was in the theater taking a sip of my Pepsi Nex when I saw it–Jigsaw‘s penis. At first, I had to strain my eyes to make sure I was actually looking at dick. Dick accented with gray pubic hair at that. In this country where Playboy magazines are censored and oral sex for pay is legal (no wonder Chinese women in Tokyo have such bad breath) I got to see dick. Flaccid, dead, geriatric, about to be autopsied dick. It made my day.

After “seeing” both Angie Dickinson’s stunt snatch censored on cable in Brian De Palma‘s classic Dressed to Kill and Maggie Gyllenhaal‘s pubes given the customary opaque gray circle in Strip Search, I was happy to see dead dick in a theater. No, dead dick doesn’t turn me on. Nor does live snatch. What does “turn me on” is the ability to watch a movie on cable TV or at the theater without having someone censor what I see because I might, just might, grope some unsuspecting school girl in her uniform on the…

We just had a minor earthquake folks!

Ah, here I am listening to Luis Miguel sing old Spanish language love songs typing away about how I hate censorship when out of the fucking blue we get a tremor. My partner noticed it first. I looked down to see my glass of red wine splashing around inside the rim.

Where the fuck was I? Oh yeah, I like to see movies that have not been edited for my own safety. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need another glass of wine. We haven’t had a tremor in a while.