I love chocolate. The darker and bitter the better. Infuse it with orange peel and I’m good to go.

So when someone professes not to care for chocolate, I think they’re either crazy or full of shit. To me, saying, “I don’t really like chocolate.” is like saying, “I’m not fond of orgasms.” or “Breathing isn’t so great.” And no one ever says, “I don’t like chocolate.” That would be too absurd and impossible for friends and family to believe.  The word “really” has to be put in there so that the speaker doesn’t come off like a complete loon.

My sister has recently started to say, “I don’t really like chocolate.” while we’re on our way to pick up ice cream. My mom often says, “I don’t like pizza.” just before the pizza is delivered. And twice I’ve heard my dad say, “Nancy Pelosi is a bitch.” after he’s been listening to Rush Limbaugh or watching Bill O’Reilly.

It’s all bullshit. It’s said to be difficult, wishful or is the direct result of brainwashing, respectively. God love my family.

I’ll eat my margarita pizza and dark chocolate and look forward to the day when Bush is out of the White House and in the nut house.