Prince Harry is in Afghanistan, in military uniform, gun in hand, locked and loaded, ready to shoot to kill. Jesus, would someone just hose me the hell down!

Prince Harry is handsome. Handsome as in rugged and dangerous, the ultimate bad boy with excellent pedigree. Yeah, his brother gets all the glory. You see Prince William in Chile helping orphans or sucking his buck teeth for the camera wearing the latest in Ralph Lauren. You can take your pretty boy Prince William. I don’t want him. He’s basically his mother with a penis. And I mean no disrespect to Princess Diana. She was an amazing woman. I’m just pointing out that William looks like his mom in drag.

William is the guy who’ll ask you to bed by saying, “Shall we fornicate?”

Harry would say, “Let’s fuck. Now.”

William would slip it in a few times and quietly orgasm.

Harry would ravage your ass and moan like that giant tortoise I once saw humping his tortoise wife. Trust me, this turtle was the man!

William would call and leave you an annoying message, “Great time last night. Would love to do it again. Call me. By for now.”

Harry wouldn’t call you but at least you’d have the memory of a great time.

I say send Willy off to war and bring Harry back.

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