Last night, my partner and I caught the 2008 Screen Actors Guild or SAG Awards on TV several weeks after the actual awards were presented in Los Angeles. Perfect timing!

The ageless Blair Underwood pretended to host the show sans writers and I pretended to care sans suspense. Incidentally, Mr. Underwood looked great as always. He’s the black Peter Pan. Watching him last night, I kept thinking of him getting eaten by the alligator in that movie where he played an evil bastard. Lucky lizard!

It was interesting to note who won a SAG that didn’t go on to win an Oscar. You can chalk it up to a shift in momentum leading up to the Academy Awards ceremony but I’m sure it was due to a shitty acceptance speech at the SAG.

Ruby Dee was just God awful. Her staccato intonation while accepting the award for Best Actress in a Supporting Role was bothersome enough but did she honestly have to thank Cuba Gooding Jr? She basically handed the audience the nails to put in her coffin come Oscar time. They probably thought, “Gee, we gave Ruby Dee the award tonight because you know, she’s old and black and we’re good liberals and all, but my God if Cuba Gooding didn’t deserve that Oscar we gave him for Jerry McGuire. What the fuck were we thinking? Liberal sensibilities aside, I think come Oscar time, I’m changing my vote.”

And could Julie Christie have been any more holier than thou in her acceptance speech for Best Actress in a Leading Role? I mean, at least feign surprise. I’ll bet she was so sure she was going to walk away with the Academy Award that come Oscar night, she shit her pants when she didn’t hear her name called. Can you imagine Vanessa Redgrave holding her nose, looking towards Ms. Christie and saying, “My God, what sort of monstrously dreadful Mexican burrito did Julie Christie have for lunch this afternoon?”

So the lesson for next year: Don’t fuck up your acceptance speech at SAG or you’ll be sorry come Oscar night.

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