Hello Kitty has just been named Japan Tourism Ambassador, the first time a fictional character has been honored as an official government envoy in Japan. Although Hello Kitty was born in Japan, she currently “lives” in London. Given that little nugget of “truth” maybe she/he/it isn’t the best spokesperson for the job.

Hello Kitty, why don’t you live in Japan?

“I rive in Rondon wit my famiry. Kiss, kiss. Hug, hug.”

Yes, I know that Hello Kitty. But as an official tourism ambassador for your country, shouldn’t you at the very least live in Japan?

“I born in Japan. Yea! Me rove you!”

Yes, Hello Kitty, I am aware that you were born in Japan. But as an official government envoy for your country, shouldn’t you move back to Japan?

“Me rive in Rondon. Me rike Rondon. Yea! Rondon! Yea!”

Hello Kitty, are you moving back to Japan?

“Me rive in Rondon. Yea!”

Listen you goddamn faggy cat, I asked you if you were moving back to Japan?

“Risten here you gay man, I Herro fuckin’ Kitty, a important Japanese government envoy. You rive in Tokyo for tree months at a time because you must return to U.S. to renew you visa. My country don’t recognize you rittle gay rerationship wit you gaijin man. You fuck with Herro Kitty and I make sure immigration never rets you back inside Japan. You never see partner again!”

Please, Hello Kitty. It’s hardly necessary to make threats you surely don’t mean?

Don’t fuck with me ferra! Dis ain’t my firs time at da rodeo. You forget the press I derivered to Pepsi was my power.”

What the hell are you talking about, Hello Kitty?

“It a sword dat cut bote way.”

Who knew Hello Kitty was such a fucking drag queen diva?

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