Is there anything the former Dawson’s Creek star/current wife of sofa-hopping Scientologist Tom Cruise can’t do?

Katie Holmes is set to appear on stage with two-time Oscar winner Diane Wiest (love her) and that creepy but lovable weirdo, John Lithgow, in Arther Miller‘s “All My Sons” this fall on Broadway. And this after her movie triumph in Mad Money alongside Oscar winner Diane Keaton and Queen Latifah.

Let’s see here…

Fading career.


Opportunity to follow in Nicole Kidman’s footsteps and marry up, get noticed, win accolades, divorce and then marry a hunky man’s man?

Check, check and if history repeats itself, check, check and check.

Pros: You win fame, fortune, power and privilege

Cons: Everyone assumes you’re an expensive prop who has sold her soul

But that fading career!

Hell, I’m not that religious anyway. I’ll just do as I’m told, pump out the kid, covert to Scientology and watch my star soar. Joy!

What?! I have to be somewhat talented first? Wait a Dawson’s Creek minute! What do you mean lightening doesn’t strike twice. I want to be like Nicole Kidman! I want an Oscar and that butch husband with substance abuse issues. Me, me, me!

OK then, I want out. What do you mean I’m under contract? You can keep the kid if you want. You don’t own me. Oh wait…