Tatum O’Neal was arrested near her apartment in the Lower East Side after buying some cocaine from a neighborhood drug dealer. What was she thinking?

“Let’s see here. I need to pick up some eggs, a carton of milk, fresh flowers for the kitchen table and some caine. La dee da, dee da.”

Most Sex and the City fans might remember Ms. O’Neal as that self-important, shoe-shaming bitch who refused to give Carrie the money it cost to cover her stolen Manolo Blahniks. But her second claim to fame (her first being born to Ryan O’Neal) was for being the youngest person in history to win the best supporting actor Oscar for the movie Paper Moon in which she stared alongside her father.

In her memoir, A Paper Life, Tatum wrote that Dad sucker punched her after her win. She claimed he was jealous. He claimed she was a delusional, ungrateful daughter. Incidentally, Dad is a nerdy hunk in one of my favorite movies of all time, What’s up Doc? God bless Madeline Kahn.

In the 80’s, Tatum married the short-tempered, tantrum-throwing tennis ace John McEnroe and had three children. After their divorce, John was awarded custody of the kids. Mommy had problems and was close to pawning her Oscar for crack or smack and maybe even some Jack. You know it’s bad when John McEnroe gets to keep the kids. I’m a huge tennis fan and I like McEnroe but marriage to him must not have been all cream and sugar. It would be enough to drive someone to drugs. Hmmm.