Last night, I caught Fatal Attraction on cable while flipping through the channels. I hadn’t seen it in several years and was in the mood for something tense and moody, not to mention slightly funny.

I love that scene where Michael Douglas sits Ann Archer down and admits to having had an affair after their androgynous child’s bunny gets boiled.  I guess that’s what happens when you move to Connecticut and give your little girl an awful haircut. Archer, in a failed attempt at heartbreak and confusion, blinks, crosses her eyes, parts her lips and in a hilarious monotone says, “The one with the blond hair.”

Ha! Cracks me the fuck up. From time to time, out of the blue, I like making the Ann Archer face, staring straight at my partner and saying, “The one with the blond hair.”

So in that scene where Michael Douglas and Glenn Close first have sex in her funky cool Meat Packing District apartment, Mike lifts Glenn up by her ass after their contrived sex on the kitchen sink scene and throws her onto the bed. Then, just for a second, you see a flesh-colored opaque circle covering Glenn’s vagina.

Japan kills me! I don’t even remember seeing a peek of Glenn’s snatch in the uncensored version back home in the states. What, did the Japanese censors hit rewind and then over the course of a few hours play back the scene in slow motion to see if there was a millisecond money shot of Glenn’s quivering love mound?

And what kills me is that right before Douglas lobs Glenn onto the bed, you see his balls through his legs, below his ass cheeks. They’re there plain as day. Now I’m a gay man, and I’d rather see a shot of Glenn’s cooch over a peek at Mike’s ball sack any day of the week. Did the Japanese censors cover up the offensive sack with a flesh-colored opaque circle to protect me from accidentally choking on my own vomit? No.

I guess balls trump cooch in Japan.