Sarah Palin is a buffoon. Plain and simple. Watching her struggle to answer the basic questions Katie Couric asked her during that now infamous interview was physically painful, and made me feel deeply ashamed of my country. I actually had to look away a few times, put a pillow over my face, hum a little tune to make it all better. But I did my part as a conscientious voter, I watched, or at least listened. And while I didn’t think it was possible for any politician to interview worse than Bush, Simple Sarah proved me wrong. She made Bush look like Colin Powell by comparison.

Sarah Palin is white trash. You know it, I know it, and white trash knows it. Simple Sarah grew up in a small, rural town hunting moose (white trash). Simple Sarah married her high school sweet heart (sweet but white trash). Simple Sarah is 44 and has five kids (white trash). Simple Sarah is 44 and about to be a grandmother (white trash). Simple Sarah’s teenage daughter is pregnant (white trash only because the daughter is the oldest of five and plans on marrying the boy who got her pregnant). Simple Sarah’s husband resembles an oaf with a wandering eye (white trash and the basis of many country western songs).

Simple Sarah’s story is a fairy tale or a nightmare depending on where you live, how much you earn, whether you graduated college, and if you can chew gum and rub your belly at the same time. Her story would be unbelievable if it weren’t true. It’s a Hollywood chic flick (not to degrade those great chic flicks like Legally Blond, The First Wives Club and Miss Congeniality).

I find it somewhat ironic that instead of liberal Hollywood producing a Sarah Palin, it is in fact conservative white trash who have created this cult of personality. But we liberals are, by our very nature, a skeptical and cynical bunch, so a Sarah Palin rising in our midst would be difficult. We’d ask (too many) questions. And don’t give me Barack Obama. He has risen on merit, clout, intelligence, cunning and his gift as an orator. No, a Sarah Palin would only arise in the open plains, the barren desert, the snow-capped mountains, or in this case, the frozen tundra.

This woman will be “a heartbeat away from the presidency” next year. “Will be” because McCain will win. Believe me, I want Obama to win desperately but remember, I’m a cynic. When white Obama supporters with unresolved race issues are alone in the voting booth, they can vote for McCain and tell everyone they voted for Obama. McCain will die in office, because c’mon, he very likely will. Palin will take over amid a skeptical public including the educated right. White Trash will rejoice. Simple Sarah will make a mess of things and then humiliating defeat after embarrassing gaffe, will step down–a severe blow to women everywhere and possibly a fatal blow to our country.

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