I’m pissed off.

I used to think that Japan was bad with their opaque circles over genitals, buns and boobs.  What am I?  In fifth grade?

So I’ve put up with all the odd editing of cable TV here in Hong Kong.  I’ve put up with deleted scenes of favorite movies.  I’ve put up with bad dubbing to replace offensive words.  I’ve put up with the bloodless gore flicks and that odd Jean-Claude Van Damme fixation the locals seem to have.  Are his goddamn movies on daily?!

But today, this afternoon, I put my foot down.  Sandra Bernhard‘s Without You I’m Nothing was censored in Hong Kong.

I thank God I didn’t see the entire movie, just the last few minutes starting with her version of Sylvester’s “Do you want to Funk?”  The song was censored.  “You are gonna funk, you ingrate mother…”

Then nothing.  Nada.  Fade to black.

Next Sandra sings Prince’s classic, “Little Red Corvette” as a ballad.  Love it.  We all do.  And we ALL know what comes after THAT.

In Hong Kong, NOTHING.  All you see is Sandra tugging at the rope of the American flag wrapped around her.  Then, CUT.  Her brilliant fuck-the-man dance in patriotic pasties and a thong is completely cut.  You just see Ms. Sandra looking forlornly at the black woman who has stayed to watch her perform.

Remember how that lady writes “Fuck Sandra Benhard” with her red lipstick on the tablecloth?  Well, in Hong Kong, the word “fuck” was an opaque jumble of nothingness and over it were the words “get lost.”

That’s right, “GET LOST Sandra Bernhard” instead of “Fuck Sandra Bernhard.”

What the fuck?

I was told that they often censor movies in this region to comply with the most conservative standards (Malaysia and Indonesia), but give me a break.

Get Lost Sandra Bernhard my naturally brown ass!

Thankfully, I own Without You I’m Nothing on DVD.  Censors be damned!