Lube availability and packaging can tell you a lot about a country and/or city and its culture. In New York, lube was readily available and in different textures, flavors and containers. In Tokyo, I’d have to make a special trip to the gay neighborhood in Shinjuku to pick up the stuff, and it was only reliable old KY.

Here in Hong Kong, a variety of lube is readily available at your local grocery store. Reliable KY is harder to find. But if you want your lube “warm” or “tingly” then you’ll definitely find what you’re looking for at Taste. The problem is the looks you’ll get from frowning Filipinas and priggish old ladies when doing so.

Now I’m not stupid. I’m not going to the supermarket JUST to buy some lube. That’s too blatant. It’s not like I live in New York anymore. I had to buy produce: oranges, bananas, grapes, peppers, tomatoes, snow peas and lube. You should have seen the looks I got when I got to the checkout counter. Yes, it was nine in the morning, but I teach this afternoon and the supermarket is jam-packed after 5:00pm.

When I placed my lube down on the counter, this Filipina whore in front of me scooted her cat food away from my purchase. Like HER pussy is a lube virgin. The old bag behind me wheeled her cart away from me, afraid she’d catch whatever disease I had. The checkout girl grabbed the lube in this awkward overreaching motion, the way someone without full use of her hand might do.

Of course, all this just made me stand up a little straighter and smile slightly to no one in particular and think, “Ladies, this is my lube. Good day.”