Miley: Daddy, when I grow up, I want to be a Musketeer.

Billy Ray: Aw, that’s sweet, Baby.

Miley: And then I wanna do a Musketeer. Oops, I did it again!

First, Miley bares her naked back. Then she gets into a sexy pose with daddy, Billy Ray. Both for Vanity Fair. Now she emerges from a trailer and pole-dances atop an ice cream cart at the Teen Choice Awards. Can we say Rocky Road?

In five years, I can see her shaving her head publicly ala Britney Spears. Hell, Miley might go one better and shave something else publicly. In seven years, after her recovery, the sex tape emerges. By now, Miley is a flabby has-been looking for a comeback. A misstep marriage will follow additional stints in rehab. Then she’ll emerge from hiding, her face pulled tightly over her scalp, a top-40 single on the charts (#39). She’ll be down for the count, but the public will play along. “Isn’t she great? What a champ!”

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